41 weeks

Dear baby,

Yesterday, the day you hit 41 weeks, was the longest day of my life.

I'm afraid your delayed arrival has reduced me to superstition, little one. A blue balloon spontaneously flew past our house earlier this week and I got a little too excited about the prospect of imminent labor.

Needless to say, you're still holding out on us... but I'm believing that I'll be too busy in the throws of labor to attend my ultrasound appointment on Thursday.

Is that too much to ask?

I love you.

From your mama

P.S. We planted you a birthday tree in the front yard. It's an apple tree with 3 kinds of apples grafted together and just like you, it's going to grow and grow and bear fruit. It's a little bitty tree now, but it's going to be 20 ft high by the time you're having babies of your own...

39-40 weeks

Hey there little guy,

It is with great excitement and pride that I get to wish you a happy due date! Part of me is still in shock that this highly anticipated (though also a bit arbitrary) date has finally arrived. Woohoo!!

This week everyone keeps asking us if we are ready for you. I usually say no, but only because I feel like overconfidence is bad form... the truth is that I do feel ready. Your dad and I are both content to wait until you're ready, but there are lots of sideways smiles and secret hand squeezes. We are so close to meeting you!

We've set up the birth tub in the living room, but we're waiting on a cue from you that it's time to fill it. The tub is bright blue, and the shell of it is covered in signatures notating the names and weights of all the babies born in there. It will be a triumphant moment when we get to pick up a Sharpie and add you to the roster!

In your 39th week, your aunt Marion came over to check out the tub, and we baked a sweet potato cake and made some lovely new curtains. I unleashed my nesting instincts on the office at work and got it perfectly organized before my leave of absence. Your grandmother arrived from TN just in time for my 40-week visit with the midwife. We talked contingency plans for post date, though hopefully they won't be necessary... and fortunately this morning I was informed by a car salesman that you will be arriving on Friday at 3pm. How kind of him to let me know! :-)

Sweet T and Pop sent us this little gem of your dad at one day old -

If the photo is any indicator, you've definitely got the adorable gene! 

We love you.

From Mom 

38 weeks

Dear baby,

Back in the fall when we first discovered you existed, I started to make space for you in my mind and in my body. This week I started to make space for you in our house.

I put your clothes in our dresser, your bottles in our kitchen, your nail clippers in our medicine cabinet, your sleeper in our bed, your carseat in our car. I thought I had gotten used to the idea of you, but when I see these baby things scattered among our stuff, I am not so sure. I wonder how I will ever make enough space for you in my life that is already so full. I think about how sad I am to have to share my drawers and shrink my space, shrink my job and my disposable income and my alone time with your dad. I worry that I will have just shrink into your shadow to make it all fit, but the parents I know tell me it doesn't work like that. They assure me that the rest of life just grows and grows to make room for babies. It must be true, because I can feel the heart expansion starting already...

Here's some of what happened in your 38th week:
Gibson's opened a new store in Westgate, and we secured a new tenant for the downstairs. We worked and ate happy hour pizza and went to our first downtown farmer's market of the season. I also had my last prenatal appointment with Nurse Brenda, though she'll be back soon to check on you!
This week we made four trips to Lowe's (oh the joys of new homeownership!), and during one of them an employee pointed at your bump and said, "Didn't your parents warn you not to swallow watermelon seeds?" Hehe.
Today your dad accidentally watered our coffee plant with my Gentle Birth herbal tonic. I'm afraid the jokes about plant fertility will never end...
And of course, we waited for you, hoping for an arrival despite our overall lack of preparedness and the statistical improbability of early delivery for first-time moms. What can I say? We are looking forward to meeting you!

Love, Mom

37 weeks

Dear boy,

It's Mother's Day today, and this is my first year to be on the receiving end of the day's requisite thanks and well wishes. The compliments are making me squirm a little - although intellectually I do consider myself a mother, so far I feel more like your house than your mom! (Of course that didn't stop me from eating one of the moms-only cupcakes at church this morning, haha!)

It's been a peaceful week - quiet mornings cutting strawberries in the yogurt shop, a visit to the midwife, a business mixer, a scripture study with our Life Group, a neighborhood barbecue, a rainbow of brand new diapers, sweet tea on the front porch while your dad plants flowers, a stroll along the waterfront followed by fish and chips from our favorite seafood shack. We are heeding all the warnings to "sleep while we can" and getting out of bed slowly in the mornings.

I am trying to memorize all these details of our daily life before you come along and make a big beautiful mess of things. We are thrilled to meet you, but I'll admit to feeling a little sentimental about leaving behind our relatively serene existence as a family of two. Tomorrow you are 38 weeks young, and in many ways it feels like the calm before the storm.

Our little baby boy! I am trying to imagine your smallness, your wrinkly skin and your tiny starfish hands. I wish my belly was a fishbowl so we could see you swimming! You're not so wiggly any more, which I hope means you're locked in position, resting up for your big debut...

We love you, kiddo.
From your mama

36 weeks

Dear baby,

For months I've been hard at work house hunting, baby growing, and career ladder climbing... and now, in May, all of my efforts are paying off simultaneously. In a strange twist of fate, I got a promotion at work effective today - the exact day my pregnancy with you is full term. After such a long season of waiting, it is strange to be entering the season of arrival: arrival at a professional goal, arrival in our new house, arrival to the more hands-on part of motherhood.

We had our home visit with the midwife this week and got to hear your whirling heartbeat inside the walls of new house. Our midwife said it would be a great space in which to give birth - though she did recommend we put some window coverings before delivery day, haha! We had already ordered custom blinds online... hopefully they arrive before you do!

I've been trying to get your clothes washed and your things in order, but I've discovered that it is very difficult to nest in a construction zone. Things around here are altogether too wonderful to be perturbed about the dust and the noise, but I am taking notes in case you're ever lucky enough to get a sibling - no construction projects in the third trimester, period.

Although you're unlikely to come this early, it is strange to think that this could be the last letter I write before you are born. I'm attempting to enjoy what could be the last few weeks of pregnancy - slowly writing myself off the schedule at work and spending this afternoon on the deck drinking virgin margaritas leftover from last night's Cinco de Mayo bash.

I am ready for you to be in my arms instead of my belly, but there won't be Pitocin or Castor oil for this pregnant lady... I'll just leave the birthday timing up to you and Jesus.
See you soon?
Love, your mama

34-35 weeks

Dear sweet little wiggly baby of mine,

I come from a family of all girls, and so well-wishers are sometimes concerned about my lack of experience with boys. They wonder aloud how, with a family history so dominantly feminine, I will handle the task of raising a little man like yourself.

But all their fears are unfounded, little one, because you really hit the jackpot when it comes to male role modeling. Of course the man I'm thinking of is your dad, and tomorrow he turns 26!

If you're even remotely conscious in there, you already have his hands and his voice memorized. You know how attentive he is to your needs and how he adores you. What you don't know yet is how rare guys like your dad are. Ambitious yet playful, unfazed by negativity, self-assured and resourceful, talented but humble; patient, curious, inclusive, kind - altogether a stellar combination that we'd be blessed to even begin to replicate in you.

Your dad and I met on camping trip in the summer of 2008. Of course we nearly missed each other entirely - I was home for a few short weeks between summer camp and traveling to India. Jason had flown home from a backpacking jaunt around Mexico the night before we met, and almost cancelled on the trip due to a bad case of traveler's diarrhea. But my very persuasive friend implored him to come anyway, and so he threw his gear in pack and put the rest of us to shame carrying both his pack and another girl's, hopping off the trail to relieve himself as often as needed, and altogether hiking like the champion he is.

Later, on one our first dates, I got a blowout on the interstate. Jason was in the passenger seat talking on the phone and mouthed the words "pull over" to me. He got out of the car, opened the truck, and changed the flat tire in less than five minutes, never even hanging up the phone. I was duly impressed by his competence and composure, and although it would make a nice story to say that that's the moment I knew he was the man I'd marry... I don't remember it like that. I remember hundreds of moments of growing clarity, moments of joy and nervousness and two whole years of that dizzying intoxication of infatuation... and to tell you the truth, I still feel a little drunk when I look at him.

There you have it - your mama at her sappiest, and a bit of the love story from which you got your beginnings.

We're taking the weekend off to celebrate your dad, so don't even think about an early entrance. No shared birthdays in this family, okay?
Love, Mom

P.S. Sorry there's no letter from last week. It was a little chaotic around here with your baby shower and the move. That's right, your dad I became homeowners! We have so much to be thankful for.

33 weeks

Hi there, baby-

These letters get later and later every week. Your 33rd week is over now, and I feel a bit behind. I'm afraid I'm not doing a very good job taking care of us, little one. The prenatal vitamins got lost in the shuffle of the move, I haven't set foot in a gym in well over a month, and the free refill policy at the Mandolin has put my caffeine intake over the requisite amounts more times than is probably acceptable... I think about these things and wonder if I ought to try harder or be more gentle with myself. Pregnancy is a little like walking a tightrope.

News from the ex-utero world is that our house papers are signed (finished!) but delayed by a neighbor filing a poorly timed boundary dispute. This morning I indulged in a long fantasy about marching my pregnant self up to her front door and giving her a piece of my mind. In this daydream, I can't decide whether a basket of warm muffins and sympathy or cursing and finger pointing is a more effective strategy, but I'm leaning toward the latter. I wonder if she realizes that her old beef with a long gone property investor is forcing a very pregnant lady to sleep on an air mattress for the third week in a row? 

While I was engaged in this imaginary conversation with our neighbor, I neglected to notice the nozzle on the kettle was open and all the water had boiled out, evaporating and accumulating in droplets on the built in microwave above the oven. Attempting to mop up this mess I dropped the paper towel, which turned made that whispery burning paper noise and turned charcoal black on the hot stove. Through the smoke, I shook my head at the sky and told Jesus to please, please stop messing with me.

I know that there are nuggets of wisdom to be found in all this waiting, but I am too anxious to look for them. We have to be out of our temporary place soon, so the words "indefinite hold" have got me more afraid of homelessness than overlooked opportunities for spiritual insight. Pray, child, if you do that kind of thing yet. You may be comfortable enough in there now, but I can guarantee sleeping bags in Tacoma alleys are not so cozy as the womb! 

….On a brighter note, you dad made a smashing debut on the drums (no pun intended) at church this week, and Ruthy is throwing you a party in just a few days. Ruthy is not only busy crafting little treasures to help welcome you into the world - she's also doing the difficult work of being 19 weeks pregnant with a little boy or girl who is bound to be one of your friends! You can thank her later.

Here's your portrait for the week. You continue to get compliments everywhere we go. Your dad and I like to laugh about how popular you've made us. Only 6 more weeks until you come along and steal the show completely. We promise to take it well! 

Love, Mom

32 weeks

Your 32nd week was a beautiful one. Sunshine and resurrection celebration, big round bellies doing laps around the lake. The theme for Easter Sunday at church was newness, which of course made me think of you. As believers we are in a constant state of spiritual newness, always being transformed and perfected by Jesus... But you will be new in all senses of the word. The new sights and sounds and smells of this place will continue to baffle you for years to come. Your life as a newborn will be part exhilaration and part trauma, and your dad and I have been chosen to guide you through both. It is a humbling task.

The closing date for our house came and went with no keys to show for it. Our temporary place on Washington St feels different filled with the warmth and light of early spring, and we spent the afternoon spray painting Goodwill canvases to hang in our new house and eating pizza on the deck.

Spring is a fun time to be pregnant. I love telling well-wishers we have less than 2 months to go and watching their smiles spread. Everyone is excited about you - especially Becca, who squeals every time you wiggle and calls you her "little peanut butter and jelly sandwich."

You look bigger every time I blink, and watching you grow makes the discomfort of carrying you more bearable. Would you like to see your progress?

This time next year, we'll be arriving at church on Easter Sunday as a family of three and you will perhaps be old enough to appreciate the petting zoo they set up for the kiddos. Or maybe we'll take you to Nashville for the annual Keil family egg hunt and find a way to pin those goofy green ears on your baby head? Makes me giggle just to think about it.

Happy Easter, baby boy!
From your loving mother.

31 weeks

Dear boy,

Back in those first weeks of pregnancy, before I even knew I was carrying you, I was plagued with a fatigue so intense that I once left work and fell asleep on a city bench on Tacoma Ave. That old tiredness came back this week, your 31st. The timing couldn't have been worse with us in the process of moving out of our apartment. As adorable as your bump is, you do complicate the task of carrying boxes. We managed to devise a system wherein I could still be helpful... suffice to say it involved a stolen grocery store cart! :-)

All week I kept telling people I wasn't the least bit sentimental about leaving the Broadmoor. I wasn't lying, or at least I thought I wasn't... but when we left that empty flat late on the night of the 31st I felt surprisingly heavy, sad. I kept thinking, someday we won't even remember this place! We'll argue about exactly what it looked like - was that old bathroom pink or orange? - and forget how the closet shelf was held up by wires and the shape of those little white doors in front of the trash nook.

That's how it goes, right? One day you pack up all your stuff and leave the place you've lived the longest in your entire adult life and poof! - the whole year just evaporates into the haze of early marriage lore, into that growing volume of stories from the pre-baby days. Someday we will tell you about the Broadmoor and you will roll your eyes because we are your parents, and it is inconceivable to you that we were ever cool - that we ever lived downtown in an old hotel with a view of the port, hosting Tacoma's finest on folding chairs late into the night.

How are you in there, little one? Can you tell that we're living in a new place? I like to think you are immune to the discomforts of moving, that inside the womb you don't even notice that our temporary housing has no heat and the air mattress is constantly deflating. Your dad and I are not so comfortable ourselves, but we have always loved adventures and living this little house on Washington Street definitely fits the bill.

The chill on our faces while we sleep inevitably reminds us of camping, and we last night we got to laughing about the time that we decided to test a Ray Jardine-esque raw food diet and took 12 lbs of fresh produce on the Wonderland Trail only to wake up in the middle of the night surrounded on all sides by enterprising mice gnawing through the corn husks and orange peels. Freezing and foodless, we hitch-hiked back to Olympia a few days later.

Your dad is already talking about taking you camping this summer, but between you and me I think raising you will be adventure enough!

Love, Mom

29 weeks

                                                        29 week baby bump. My winter coat no longer zips!

Baby boy,

How sentimental you've made me! Hardly does the ink dry on the last thank you note before another gift arrives at our doorstep. And the words I write in the cards - about feeling overwhelmingly blessed by support and kindness - are so, so true. Never in my 23 years have I been so weepy about a Christmas or birthday present. Now I see the blankets and toys for what they are - investments in our future, investments in you! - and I am undone with gratitude.

The thing about it is that we need these gifts. We need the car seat and the bath tub and the carrier and the quilt. It is new to me to be so needy, and our need seems to be bringing us more fully into society. The traditions around marriage and child rearing, which often seemed silly to my teenage self, make more sense to me now.

Arguably you are the still fastest growing little person in the family, but your dad and I are also doing our fair share of growth over here. Carrying a child is an important job that neither one of us takes lightly. Our conversations about how we will raise you are enthusiastic but careful. We are learning about trust, about loss, about patience...

Waiting for you is the neatest experience. All week I've been having these tiny little contractions. My stomach tightens all over and I start to imagine that timeless, cinematic moment when I get to look at Jason and smile shyly and say, "It's time now..."

My mom (your grandmother!) arrived in Tacoma last night. I am so excited to show her your bump! Sorry about all the noise and light in there last night; we were trying to make you move for Aunt Marion to see. Earlier that day I tried to record a video of you moving on my phone but you weren't very cooperative, and I gave up when I started to worry that the cancer rays from my cell phone might hurt you.
No big news from your 29th week of existence. We are occupied with trying to find tenants for the house, compiling a baby registry, and of course, marveling at you. And you, little guy, are marvelous indeed!

We love you.
From your mama.

30 weeks

Hi son,

After 7.5 months, I've discovered a way to really make pregnancy fly by... 1) Convince your mom and sister to visit your city for a week, 2) spend those days in the lap of luxury, swimming in the hotel pool and dining in the some of the best restaurants in the northwest, and 3) talk incessantly about the little boy for whom we are all waiting! This is how your 30th week came and went.

The whole family came to the midwife visit on Thursday. Twelve hands on my belly trying to guess where you are in there! You are endlessly entertaining.

Last night over dinner at Dahlia Lounge in Seattle, the conversation turned to food and ethics, as it often does with your aunt Marion studying food anthropology and flirting with vegetarianism. In a way, having you adds some urgency to the task of becoming the people we want to be. Now, with a set of teeny tiny eyes about to watch us for the next two decades, is when we have to start actually living by our principles.
I feel this way not just about coconut oil and locally sourced dairy, but about everything. Having a newborn is one of those rare seasons when all of your existing habits are severely interrupted - the end of life as we know it! - and in this, there is both real danger and incredible possibility. As we establish a new routine as a family, I want to do things well - for our sakes and for yours.

Your dad and I got you a little something at the flea market in Olympia this week. Other than the prenatal vitamins, this is our first baby purchase: a high backed, red wood antique glider chair. Sitting there this week, I try imagine rocking you, although since I've never rocked a baby before I may well be envisioning it all wrong! Perhaps my utter lack of experience with babies should unnerve me, but there is something sort of beautiful in that you'll be the first baby either one of your parents diapers or feeds.
We may well be diapering and feeding you soon, since your due date is just two short months away! But I have hunch you'll hang around a bit longer and be a June baby.

Whenever you come and whatever you do and whoever you become, we sure do love you...
From your very pregnant mama (see photo for evidence)

28 weeks

                                                                                        your mama @ 28 weeks, self portrait at work ;-)
Dear baby,

After so many weeks of bragging about how great I feel, I'll admit that I'm starting to be a little uncomfortable. I try not to complain, but I am oh-so tired and a bit overwhelmed, what with the job and the house and the body that is just plain awkward. I keep having anxiety dreams about breastfeeding in which I forget to feed you and everything just dries up. My entire pregnancy has been full of very vivid dreams, and they are only getting stranger in this home stretch.

Hopefully you're comfortable even when I'm not. You move every morning about 3 minutes after I have my first sip of coffee, as far as I can determine these are happy wiggles. At night, we can SEE you moving... You are fast and furious with those drum rolls on my abs. At work I rest my hands on the giant shelf that is your bump. Thanks for the arm rest, kiddo!

We spent a while looking through the baby name book this morning. I made your dad practice using all the options to see what sounded right:  introducing his son "___", telling stories about his son "___" and yelling sternly to "take that thing out of your mouth, ___!"

Nurse Brenda tells me it's time to start singing to you now that your hearing is fully developed. As a newborn you will probably recognize melodies and voices from the womb. What a great responsibility it is to have such profound influence over your music tastes!

Your grandparents and aunts are buying their plane tickets for your birth. Brace yourself, little guy - only three short months until you arrive and get completely smothered in coos and kisses by your doting family! Don't worry, I think you'll like them. :-)

Love from your mom.

27 weeks

.... that's your mom @ 27 weeks

Well, son, you're probably too busy developing to wonder much about what pregnancy is like for me, but I'd like to tell you about my experience of carrying you anyway. Someday you'll likely find out you're about to be a dad, and maybe some of this will come back to you as you prepare to be a parent.

I always imagined that the pregnant belly would feel like a natural extension of the body. In fact, I thought  pregnancy in general would feel more natural - organic if not effortless. Instead it feels like just what it is: like sharing your body with another person for nine months... which of course is very, very weird.

The worst parts for me have been that unbelievable tiredness the first few weeks and the food aversions, which linger still in the 3rd trimester. Everything tastes different now, and most things taste significantly worse. There have been days where all food is nauseating yet I've felt so hungry I've actually cried!

The best parts are the camaraderie I feel with moms who smile knowingly at my roundness and the ease of obtaining restroom keys even when the sign says customers only. And let me tell you, there are days when that key sure is a life saver.

In the beginning I would forget I was pregnant for hours at a time, mostly bustling around at work. Now your movements make it hard to do anything other than remember, and I have to consciously remember to talk about things other than pregnancy so as not to utterly bore those around me.

Some other news from your 27th week: we have a contract on a house now! Yesterday was the home inspection, and Becca came along to see the place. I thing I've finally gotten used to the idea of me and Jason having a baby, but imagining you as a toddler still feels so wild - Becca and I laugh as we talk about your little feet across the living room floor. A little boy running through my house, into my arms! Your dad and I are so, so excited.

I'm off to work, and like always you'll come with me. Let's make it a good day, no?
Love you, Mom

26 weeks

Today is the last day of our 26th week, baby boy!
Jackie and Dave got married last night. I got to take you and your bump out on wedding dance floor for some serious swinging. I should probably warn you that both your parents are both completely shameless dancers. You have so many hours of embarrassment to look forward to...

You made everything about the wedding a bit more sentimental. You, little boy, are the lens through which I watched the slideshow of childhood photos of the bride and groom. I got a bit weepy imagining your wedding, and you aren't even born yet!

Your grandparents have been here all week - Sweet T and Pop, Jason's parents. The four of us shared a beautiful suite near the Seattle wedding venue and got to enjoy the market and Dahlia bakery donuts together. Jason's dad says being around us brings back so many memories of when they were in our position, and Jason was the wiggling baby inside someone's belly. His mom tells me that although they were married for five years before they had kids, it felt like time began when Jason was born... Being pregnant makes me feel a little like that, like time has truly begun. For the first time, I see the weeks passing right before my eyes - I see the passage of time every time I look down at my growing lap. Seriously, baby, the last six months have flown by. All of the sudden I look and feel like a bonafide pregnant woman.

Everyone's begging for belly shots but my phone camera got water in it and I've been a little self conscious about modeling. But between the visiting Keils and my little sister, a few photos were finally snapped this weekend in Seattle. Your first portraits! Maybe we should make you a scrapbook, although it will probably be a few years before you can appreciate it.

We sure do love you, little one.
From your mom.

25 weeks

Son-
Your mom is 25 weeks and as round as a Chinese Buddha! This is what I thought when I looked in the mirror Monday morning. My friends coo and touch and laugh about how HUGE I am, but strangers and acquaintances still raise their eyebrows suspiciously. "Aren't you a little small for 6 months?"

At a Valentine's Day party last weekend, half the women in the room are pregnant. I cozy up to the hostess, a first time mom of a one-year-old. I work up the courage to ask if she enjoys parenting. I tell her I know how good it is, how blessed and rewarding, how miraculous and wonderful... but I what I really want to know is if she likes the day-to-day work of rearing a little tot. She hesitates before saying that yes, yes, she does enjoy it... But then she blushes and admits that she didn't enjoy it at first.

Nurse Brenda says she didn't enjoy parenting until her firstborn started to smile at her. She said after six weeks of manual labor, when she saw that little crescent spread across her daughter's face, she finally felt known and appreciated! Maybe you could start practicing your smiles now so your dad and I have an easier time of things this June?

In our meeting Wednesday, Nurse Brenda told me something I haven't been able to forget. She said you cry in the womb, but of course your cries are muted by all the amniotic fluid, placenta, and flesh that separates us. I can't tell you how much this distresses me. I picture you trapped and bawling silently, like a goldfish in a Ziplock bag on the way home from the fair. We'll get you out of there soon, I promise!

As usual, we never quite stop talking and thinking about you, little one.

Always in love, your mama.

24 weeks

Hey baby-

As of Monday, you are 24 weeks in the making!

I keep seeing bump-less women around town, jogging effortlessly down the road, eating sushi, wearing adorably tight jeans. I watch them and feel these intense pangs of jealousy... but then I remember that the frumpy leggings and lingering food aversions are an integral part of this process that brings you into our little family, and nothing can steal my joy.

Now that I've (mostly) got the whole pregnancy thing down, we are thinking more about parenting, gobbling up the relevant podcasts and articles. In so many ways (mostly my age and punk-rock haircut), I still feel like such an unlikely candidate for parenthood. I try to picture myself with you as a newborn. I tell Jason, "He needs us so much."All that love and all that anxiety... how will I bear it?

Your dad and I celebrated our first anniversary this week. The weather was beautiful, so we took a boat to Seattle and tromped around the sunshiny market eating French pastries before we meeting your aunt Marion at the aquarium. We wanted to go snowshoeing up in the mountains on Sunday (our actual anniversary), but we didn't have tire chains for the car and it ended up being an uncomfortable (read: big wiggly belly) day for me. We ate pizza and cake at home instead, laughing because we never in a million years imagined ourselves discussing baby names on our first anniversary.

Last night I dragged Jason to the Vagina Monologues at PLU. I felt a hot and breathy excitement during the monologue about childbirth. I cannot believe that that is how it happens, how people happen, how you will happen! I am awestruck, literally. What a miracle.

As usual, we are smitten with you. You and your little 1.5 pound body just going about your business inside of me... it's utterly unnerving and altogether wonderful. The midwife says that size-wise, you're in the 66th percentile. Keep up the good work! I am very proud.

Love from your mom.

23 weeks

Dear baby,

Everywhere I go, you go. You go over to Kayla's house while she does her laundry, to the Essential Skills for the First Time Manager training in Seatac, house hunting around Hilltop, and around the pool in deep water aerobics class. You go to the grocery and the coffee shop, to church and to work and to home visits with Nurse Brenda. For someone the size of a mango, you are very busy. Nearly everywhere you go, you are the youngest person in the room. This makes me smile when I remember it.

I think the two of us have got your dad a bit freaked out. He felt you kicking and ran out of the room shouting about how you felt like a fish in my belly, haha! Between that and the live birth videos I subjected him to, Jason is a real trouper. In yesterday's 8-hr childbirth class, we both had to hold ice cubes for 4 mins during a labor stimulation. Pain was shooting up our arms, and we practiced breathing and walking and bouncing on the exercise balls to manage the sensation. It was actually pretty fun. I'm not at all nervous about labor and delivery; to be honest, the parenting a child sounds way scarier than birthing one. Go easy on us, okay? We're rookies in the realm of childrearing.

Nervousness aside, I can't wait to see you. Becca assures me you will have green eyes and curly hair, and that you will blink a lot like your dad. She predicted your due date within 2 days, so she must be right about your appearance! We will adore you even if you're bald and blind. Our son, our baby boy! What did we do to deserve such a miracle as you?

Love, love, love, your mom

22 weeks

Hey there baby boy,

You and your bump embarrassed me a little at the pool yesterday. In the communal shower I felt a dozen eyeballs on my gloriously round and naked belly. They were probably wondering if you were really a baby or just a big burrito mid-digestion.

I am pretty sure you are a baby, since I don't think burritos kick so much. I can feel you wiggle when I finally sit after a long day at work and when I lie down to sleep at night. When I don't feel you moving, I ask your dad what he thinks you're doing in there. Swallowing? Peeing? Thumb-sucking? Jason always says the same thing: "He's growing, of course!"

All the growing is making me itchy and hungry. My sister tells me you can taste everything I eat so I'm trying hard to mix it up. We took our monthly pilgrimage to the Asian market yesterday and got some wacky goodies, red bean mochi and al nori furikake, kimchee dumplings and green bean pancakes. After we finished the shopping we sat down in the adjacent bakery and talked about how different it will be bringing you along to the grocery for the next ten years or so. Riding in a shopping cart sounds pretty fun, don't you think?

You seem to like all the running and swimming we've been doing lately. We are thinking of calling you Miles, what with all those miles I ran back when you were the size of a ripe raspberry. These days you're probably closer to 11inches long, weighing almost a pound.

It's unbelievably cheesy, but your dad and I already love you. Everybody does. Becca talks to you all day long at work and customers have all kinds of opinions about what's good for you. Looking pregnant works minor miracles on the tip jar! Your grandparents mail us comic strips about little boy antics and email us links to the beard hats they plan to buy you. Your aunt is painting you a miniature chair. Your parents are doing their best to get their ducks in a row before you come, but they aren't quite ready yet...

Feel free to stay in there 18 more weeks, as planned.
Love, your mama

21 weeks

Hey baby,

We saw you last week, doing toe-touching tricks up on the ultrasound screen. I was still nervous you wouldn't be real. I kept asking Jason on the way to the doctor, "Do you think I'm still pregnant? Are you sure?" But alas, there you were, in all your black and white fleshly glory! The most marvelous part was the teeny tiny fingers and toes.

We bought a helium balloons to tell the world - you're a boy! - and hung them at Becca's, at our apartment, at Gibson's. The customers at the yogurt shop had a little wager going about your gender... they were wrong, so no free frozen yogurt for them! All week people were asking me if I'd prefer a boy or girl. I think I once had a preference, but I truly feel like I got pregnant and immediately forgot it. All I want is healthy baby.

So far you fit the bill! The ultrasound tech called you perfect about 50 times.

Something about seeing you last week made me realize it's time for me to start getting excited about you. Since it's too early to fill our little apartment with plastic toys (and sorry, little one, your dad and I aren't really the plastic toy type anyway), I'm going to start writing you letters. Jason and I have a long history of letter writing through the years, so I've got a little practice already.

We love you.
From your mama.